Category Archives: Paxton

My Girl

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When I look at her,

I don’t see skin and bones;

I see blurred lines and grey flecks

trying to escape.

I see a girl with no idea what the terms

‘right’ and ‘wrong’ entail;

and she certainly doesn’t what to find out

anytime soon.

I see a girl with boundless ideas

swirling around her head,

wanting desperately to be seen.

They play hide-and-seek

inside her mind-

hiding in the spirts of moments

when she needs them;

and popping out during inconveniences.

She is my girl;

grey flecks and all.

In a poem, there was a line saying ‘grey flecks and blurred lines’ and it really stuck with me. I loved the idea of someone seeing a person’s inner self before they see the person’s appearance so I just went with that. I saw the grey flecks and blurred lines as a mental disorder that the girl was fighting with. I tried to show small symptoms in disorders like ADHD and depression and slight autism. I don’t want to romanticize mental disorders but instead show that they are part of people and to try to personify them. By personifying them, they seem more real and there than they usually are portrayed.

I usually try to use repetition in my pieces but found that I couldn’t do it this time. I just wanted to personify them instead as I have done in my earlier pieces like My Childhood Friend.

I want to show the more passive part of mental disorders and how they can be more of a small pain for different people.

My favorite part was:

She is my girl;

grey flecks and all.

Because I wanted to show that people with mental disorders can be loved as well.  And that the mental disorders are not a burden for the partners. It is more of a learning experience for them and that the ‘grey flecks’ can be as loved as the rest of the person.

This was a treat to write and I would love to explore this idea more in future pieces.

I need to meet the word count so I will say that one of my future goals for future pieces are to write longer poems with longer stories and plots!

 

My Golden Boy

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You are a golden boy.

 

Gold twinkles in your hair.

And yet,

your eyes flow only shades of blue.

 

Each darker

and heavier

than the last.

 

Your heart no longer radiates love.

But instead,

a dim light of apathy.

 

A gold that was once warm

and bright

is now crushed beneath your feet.

 

The blue runs out of your eyes

with such force

that I fear

 

you will waste away.

I cover you with golden kisses

but, it is still not enough.

 

I cannot save you

from the emptiness that is filling you.

So, I sit back and pray.

 

Thinking about my golden boy

that I had loved so dearly

for so long.

 

And watch

as a light stream of blue

trickles out of my eyes.

I was inspired to emulate this piece from a poem that Claire B. did that can be found here.  This is based on the idea of a boy who suffers from a mental illness and how it affects others. I really wanted to play with the idea that Claire explored with gold and blue and took it my own way with blue symbolizing depression. Gold is sometimes used to symbolize love and what an object is worth so I lightly added in the idea that the golden boy is worth more than he knows and he is loved. This poem represents his suffering and even though some view him as perfect, he drowns in his own self-hate and how he portrays himself.

I love the idea of the push and pull between blue and gold and the conflict that they have. I may write more posts like this in the future with this style.